Bringing Back the ‘Why’

What do you do when your child asks the question, “Why?”

Personally, I think about what they are asking and try to give a thoughtful answer.

But then they ask again, “Why?”

My response? I think a little deeper and try to answer them again in a different way.

“But why, Mommy?” They say.

Now I’m starting to get hot with annoyance. Palms are sweaty. I answer calmly with something that will hopefully resonate enough for them to get off my back.

But to my distress, they ask again, “Why???”

“Because that’s just the way it is right now. I don’t know why”.

Us humans can come up with a million excuses not to think deeply. We don’t have time, we don’t have energy, it’s not important enough, etc.

[We can also come up with a million excuses not to feel our feelings, but I’ll save that rant for another day.]

I don’t want to think deeper about why the sky is blue, or why I wore my pink shirt versus the green one, or why the plant sitting on my desk is dying. I just want to move on with my life, get what I need to get done, and chill.

Children are so pure. They are so curious. They see each moment for what it is — and in the most literal sense. It is simply refreshing.

And then, with all of our societal trends, they grow up and become desensitized, boring adults who just want to chill.

My inner child is lost in a corn maze — She’s stuck because she’s too short (physically and mentally) to navigate a world designed for grown-ups and too confused to know if she’s even going in the right direction.

How did we get to this point? Why have we stopped asking why?

Asking why implies an interest in actually getting to the bottom of something. In getting to the root cause. People veer away from this because it takes loads of time, energy, and effort that many of us think we don’t have.

The vast majority of us want instant gratification. We want a quick-fix, a pill, a band-aid that will allow us to live peacefully without having to deal with the why. And this applies to everything from mental & physical health, to professional advancement, to family life, to relationships, to religion.

From a mental health perspective, so much of our adult-inner-turmoil stems from unresolved child-inner-turmoil. If not dealt with, childhood rifts, issues, and traumas seep into our teenage years and continue to invade us as adults.

And then comes numbness. And then comes triggers. And then comes the excruciating breakdowns. Xanax only lasts 11 hours. So what do we do next? Move on to the next band-aid?

My goal is not to deflate or judge anyone’s challenges, G-d forbid. A quick-fix can also save a life if that’s what’s authentically necessary. However, we need to bring back the why, the truth, the non-denial into our thinking process.

Answering the why brings awareness to the issue — the first step in the healing process. If the why is not clear, do some digging with a friend (or therapist) by your side. You can handle it, I believe in you.

When I left one of my previous jobs, I blamed the employer for being rude and disrespectful. Fine. But when it kept happening, again and again, I started to wonder — could there be something within myself getting me into these undesirable work scenarios? Why couldn’t I just get a job I actually liked and was good at? I realized that a lack of self-worth and self-confidence led to these manipulative, controlling, and horrible professional settings. I asked myself why.

I’ve grappled with this idea in terms of my position as a conversion copywriter in the world of products and services. My job is literally to make you feel that the product or service will ease your pain and solve your problem (so you’ll go and buy it 😉). Seems like I’m dismissing the whole why thing, right? Nope. A great product or service needs a message clarifier (aka. me), however, it does not need major convincing. Yes, people want to see results now, but they aren’t going to part with their hard-earned money for a quick-fixer-upper. People want long term results. They want long term fixer-uppers.

So, let’s recap, “Why ask why?”

Thinking deeply and taking action is not an easy route. However, it is the crucial route for lasting happiness, inner-peace, physical health, professional wellbeing, thriving relationships, and connection to something greater than yourself.